Colorado; rambles; grateful

it has been a month since i’ve written
life has been so rich
with bright lights
and dark shadows
strong community
subtle medicine
majestic mountains
grief
celebration
children
babies
family
old ways
clouds parting
opportunities to elevate

my aunt lives in Colorado Springs
my cousin and her family as well
i can never stay away too long
for this place has always been a place of reconnection and purification
and because this land holds the little ones that made me into an uncle
and began my crossing of a threshold
from youth
into adulthood

Saturn returns is no joke
it has made a believer out of me
this experience
of watching my self as a young wanna-be adult
die
and grieve that
and be liberated by that
as well as bearing witness to the man that is evolving out of this process

getting to know myself once again

every 27-29 years
Saturn returns to the place in our solar system where it shone the moment of our birth
and as it does
we cross a threshold
from one major life phase
to another
it is as deep
and wide
and transformative
as we are willing to allow it to be

……………………….

tribeswoman and sister
Kimmy Kreation
who i met in a dreamy state at a strange artisan market at a cafe in Austin two years ago
came to visit
with her sister Georgia
i am always so amazed at the love and strength and wisdom of you, my sisters
women of the world
it is so humbling
Kimmy is in grieving
Her mother
And I
my brother Paul
And these grievings are fires which must burn the whole damn house down before water can come in and clear it all away and new beautiful exuberant life can rush forth once again

my aunt Jeanmarie died ten years ago
and it was the first fire that burned the whole house down
in my inner world
and i thought it would destroy me
but it did not
it fortified me
and my heart
and she was my threshold keeper
and guide

this grief is the same burn
with the heat turned up
and jeanmarie is here
but this time it is Paul who is my threshold keeper
and my guide

I have been praying a lot
I begin each day on my knees
in gratitude
and presence
and prayer
to be humble
compassionate
present
simple
efficient
loving

i have been praying alone
and i have been praying with the tribe
and praying together
grieving together
playing together
laughing together
is a miraculous gift

all that time thinking i had to do it alone
no wonder i thought my pain would kill me
but it doesn’t
if i let it pass through me
instead of holding on to it
it will keep coming
even if i don’t hold on
but at least when i surrender
and just let it wash through
it becomes like a torrent of water
that crashes through
and clears away everything that does not matter
everything that is not real
leaves my heart wide open
to feel just how powerful love is
that it survives everything
even death
especially death
death transforms our love
allows us to see it
feel it
experience it
in a deeper
more profound way

…………..

My niece and i were playing the other day
“Uncle Greggo, can we play? You be the prince and I am the princess and we have to stop all the bad evil guys!”
“OK. How should we stop them?”
“Hmmm…” she says, rubbing her chin and furrowing her brow
Then I a memory of being young and running out to my treehouse to make potions and play magic pops into my head and i remember that in all of the movies she adores there is a whole lot of magical happenings
“What if we turn all the bad evil people back into loving, kind people?” i ask.
“Yes. But how?” she asked me genuinely.
“What if we made some magic potions and said some spells, which are really prayers, to turn all the evil people back into good people?”
“YES!”
It was a hit idea
some food coloring
a medicine dropper
a few cool bottles and cups of water
a big quartz crystal
a little white sage
and some funny giggles about mermaids and trees and water and fairies

I give her a piece of paper to write her prayer for the potion on
“but i can’t write yet”
“that’s ok, just scribble it and say your prayer out loud. we’ll know what it says.”

so she dramatically and hurriedly starts scribbling and says
almost breathlessly
“dear god please use this potion to turn all the bad guys into good people that don’t hurt anyone, with love and with peace.”

it strikes me really
that a 5 year old already has a sense of how important
how sacred
love
and peace are
not just words
but you can see in her eyes
and feel in her heart
that she knows what love is
and she knows what peace is

we take the potion upstairs
with the crystal
to bring it outside
but first she must show it to her grandmother
my aunt
and she giggles
and gives me the look
like “you are insane
and i love you”

we take the magic outside
my niece puts the crystal on the ground
and she dumps the potion onto the crystal
turning it a rich blue-green color
and gasps with delight
and we recite her prayer one more time
“dear god please use this potion to turn all the bad guys in the world into good people that don’t hurt anyone, with love and with peace.”

she exclaims how awesome this is
grabs my hand
and says
now we have to use all the rest of the water!
I laugh
because the bottle we are using to make the potions in
is very small
and if we are going to repeat this process over and over until all the cups of water we filled up and colored with food coloring are used
then we will need to clear the next several hours
“how about just until we don’t feel like it anymore?”
“okay!”
and off we go
back to our basement lab
🙂

……….

Boulder, CO
More tribe
family
I am so grateful
for my brother Noel
and sister Shannon
and the family they brought me into there
hospitably
generously
lovingly
we are healing a lot together
it is quite special
God
Multiverse
Great Spirit
Life
Whatever we need to call it
to not scare each other
anymore
Great-thing-we-are-all-a-part-of-and-connected-to-and-by
It is experiences like these that make me know beyond hope or doubt
because its not just a thing in my head that is talking
it is an experience of it
of divinity
friendship
humility
brotherhood
sisterhood
honesty
commitment
hard work

we played a lot too

I played my first two gigs in what feels like a very long time
maybe 7 months
there was other work
more important
work that can’t be put into words
that needed to be done

it feel so good to play again
and
it was interesting
and humbling
and funny
to observe the same old thought patterns that i used to keep me small still rise up
like upon waking on the morning of both shows
my first thought was “i don’t wanna.”
i am grateful to have a witness in my heart
that laughed
because the thought is just a silly thought
that is not in my constitution to obey
but it is there nonetheless
“hide.”
no thank you.
the tribe showed up
my loyal tribeswoman and sister Claire
we sang together
i met her because of her laugh
while playing in the same cafe two years ago
she and i mirrored one another’s transformations
and it was humbling
and intense
and crazy beautiful
then the rest of the tribe
the rainbows and priestesses and brothers
and we all sang
and laughed
and closed our eyes
and listened
and joe allen the barista master played the steam machine
and it was dope
as silly as that word is

……..

sat in sweat lodge last night
my second time ever
last night with the same circle that i sat first with last summer
brought there by my blood brother Skye
miss him in these times of prayer and healing of our bloodline
but feel him close
holding it down in Anaheim
all loved up
🙂
the sweat was powerful
the prayer is powerful when we come together humbly
and sacrifice a bit of our comfort
to elevate our prayers
to deepen our connection to our bodies and hearts and spirit
going into the womb of the earth
to die a bit
and be reborn
and remember our gratitude for the water
how sacred
our treasure
and our gratitude for breath
air
how sacred

to share a meal
and hugs
and laughter
with families
and children
and friends

“you are family now.”

people are so good
so kind
so loving
so welcoming
so compassionate
it is our lens that needs to change
if we are not experiencing that
and the lens that is for sale
on the televisions
and the “news”
corporate mouthpieces
tell us a lie
that we
as a species
are selfish
vain
judgmental
violent
hateful
close-hearted
superficial
that way we can just keeping buying their crap and living off their delusion

no thank you

people are amazing
when we open our eyes
our ears
our hearts
our hands
and lower our gaze
and feel the earth under our feet
being present together
instead of our mind’s preconceived ideas and judgements
all that stuff is just distraction helping fortify us
the grist for the mill
to challenge us to come into the present moment
deeper
deeper still
be here
be here now
right now
in our bodies
in our hearts
present
listening to our thoughts
but not being our thoughts
being the witness
and using our thoughts
as brilliant servants
humble
serving the heart
the master
the guide
the sacred conscious heart

we are awakening
together
to the reality
of love
and peace
that is present
here
abundantly
and we can be her caretakers
and her keepers
it is already here

aho
or
“that’s what’s up”

……..

financial abundance has begun to flow in
and i am reminded that prayers
and intentions
met with surrender
and willingness
work
it is always humbling to be in baseline needs met level
and fruitful
and i don’t really dislike it too much
in part because of the perspective on what are wants and what are needs that opens up in our consciousness in this experience
and in part because i feel i have a strong support system in family and tribe
and
it is really special to feel a bit of freedom of possibility when that form of energy shows up ready to be used to serve
i am grateful
funds are appearing for the next adventure(s)!

i fly to CA this weekend to sit in ceremony with my tribe there
one of these crazy-how-did-this-dream-just-manifest-itself-so-easily? blessings
then back here to CO to bounce between my tribespeople in the Springs and Denver and Boulder
A visit from my yoga rockstar tribeswoman sister Jen
Arise music fesitval where I will be helping my friend Shaela at her flower essence booth
and being an oracle
what?!
she asked, she needed…
when i still lived in New York i found a book and set of norse tarot cards on the sidewalk and kept them with me all these years but never once looked at them
so when she said “you wannna practice at Arise and be an oracle? we need volunteers that can also be oracles.”
i said Yes and Thank you.
Yes and thank you.
Cool.
Far out. Another funny expression, but very accurate.
then more family time in the Springs being Uncle Greg Ultra
The most precious gift i have ever received
A chance to be a part of a child’s life
A friend and a guide and a guardian
There is not a thing in the world my courage would not stand victorious in the face of for these children
And to feel that way
Changes a man
Humbles him
Shows him what a miracle the family is
What a essential experience tribe is
to feel not alone
and to feel connected
and loved
and prayed for
and held

the call for roots is loud
i thought it was here in CO
turns our maybe not
I trust
I have not been forsaken yet
I pray for roots
A simple place on the earth
the more rural the better right now
where I can grow a root
because i am a nomad
i know that
and that experience is not over
and
i need a root
a place on the earth that i can put prayers down
and a simple shelter
and know this will be here for me when i come back
pray with me
i am willing
and saying yes and thank you
even to roads opening i didn’t think i would be able to walk
i see it unfolding
ever since i first got on the road
people have inquired about what the tribe of dreams is
and for a while
I didn’t really know either
it came to me
like the music
in a dream state
that took a long time to wake up from
and process
and learn
really
and everywhere i went
i met people
probably you if you are reading this
and we have all been seeing the same thing
in our world
and in our selves
the inner
and outer
worlds
reflecting one another
a great wound
a great sickness
a great healing
a great possibility
an awakening
to the way forward into a lifestyle/civilization that is adapted to the reality that we are interconnected with the planet and all beings and there are certain natural laws we must not break unless we want to continue inflicting harm upon ourselves and all beings
and i see now
that you are the tribe of dreams
we are the tribe of dreams
we are the tribe of people
the community
that we couldn’t find on the television
not in the sitcoms
not in the movies
not in the “news”
but we dreamed of it
we have all been dreaming about it
and we have all been learning
what does it mean
to be humble
loving
humans
simple
compassion
patient
?
who are we?
how are we here?
how are we able to ponder such things?
we are the tribe of dreams
we are the dreams of our ancestors
they never dreamed
generations and generations up
of grandchildren being greedy and isolated and worked to the bone to sustain such a life
they dreamed of peace
and love
and family
and babies
and health
and abundance
and safety
and spiritual connectedness
in some form
or another

we are this tribe
we are here
we are saying yes
we are doing our parts
we are allowing ourselves to be midwives
of the present

we still love
we still dream

we still love
we still dream

……
gotta go
doing laundry
dancing to shpongle pandora station
thank you sister Zarina
for the enthusiastic recommendation
i get it

much more ahead
music in the works
northwest here i come
then CA
….AZ….
yes
it is time
yes
yes
yesnow

(oh yeah…woke up and found out i slept with a spider :/ )

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