(*the terms “Taker” and “Leaver” are used in this post. If you are unfamiliar with these terms and they resonate with you, please, do yourself and me and the community of Life a service and read Daniel Quinn’s book “Ishmael.”)
There has been a deep and unsettling realization unfolding in me lately
Becoming more and more clear
as more and more is falling apart around me
and I have been feeling overwhelmed with the utter breadth of it.
The realization is that I am coming to the end of a road here.
I am coming to the end of my ability to continue participating in our Taker civilization.
I am watching it kill my brothers
and my discomfort living within it is expanding
and becoming more and more inflamed
and just when I want to rip the flesh off my bones
I come to this resolute knowing
that the discomfort
is the transformation agent
the very fires that are propelling me out of this way of life
and i am afraid.
I want to become a Leaver
I need to become a Leaver, really,
if I want to survive this life
and live it freely
If I want to raise children
or raise a community
doing so as a Leaver is the only option for me
I know not how to stop being a Taker
and start being a Leaver
So I am afraid
Not only am I walking away from the way of life I have always known
Not only am I walking away from the way of life that my parents have always known
Not only am I walking away from the way of life that all of my friends and family members have always known
But I am walking away from the way of life that has been being passed down in our civilization for 10,000 years
And I am afraid to leave this shore.
there are already plenty of people that have crossed the bridge
and walked out of the Taker life
and back into the Leaver life
that are living in accord with the planet
and the laws of nature
So i know it is possible
And i know the process has already begun unfolding
And i’m just being asked to proceed into the unknown
And trust the teachers
will be provided
when I am ready
and it is right.
I am praying for patience.
Really I have been praying for clarity
but that has been a sign of my impatience
the part of me that is addicted to being comfortable
and that clings to being wrapped in a anesthetizing blanket of imagined security and stability
wants to press fast forward
maybe 15 years
to see what it looks like
and exactly how to get there
pick up a guidebook maybe?
because while i know not the form it will take
i know somewhere down the path
i am a Leaver again
and I am not violating nature’s laws
towards my brothers and sisters
towards my self
towards my Mother, Earth.
I also know
somewhere in my consciousness
that there is no “down the path”
that it’s all contained within the One
that the reality I am caught in seeking is already here
This is what the Tribe of Dreams is about
It is what it has been about
It is about growing a tribe
and learning to be Leavers
and live in the community of Life
and not gods
and not kings.