Saturn’s Return

Paul’s death
has sanctified
and consecrated
the gate
that i am walking through

My birthday is tomorrow
the marking of completion
of my 28th lap
around our star
we call the sun

A child no more

Life took me by the shoulders
and looked me in the eye
and said
“My son
this is life
there is such joy
there is such sorrow
it is as deep
and wide
as you will take it
are you in?
are you ready?
do you say yes?”

And because the divine scripture
of LOVE
is written in my heart
and because I take the hands outstretched to me
that lead me back into the realms of heart
the space of spirit
i have read the scripture
and love
is it
it is the thing
that makes it worth it
it is the thing
that in the face of death
and destruction
and sorrow
makes us say
yes
still yes
i am still here
and i still say yes
and i can bear the sorrow
and see the grace in it
for it is certainly in all things
maybe especially the sorrow
and love
is in the sorrow
and the joy
and the beauty

when the lights have gone
and the bombs have exploded
and the field has been cleared
and there is nothing but ash in the air
love is the only thing left
and it is the only thing that makes it possible
to go on

Grief is our teacher
Death is not our enemy
but our great transformer
and we all get there
and it turns out
there
is
here
after all
where is there to go?
even the dinosaurs are still here
those dragons
and great beasts
that roamed this same planet
whose bodies have turned into the grasses
and soils
and stones
and oil
and diamonds
just like our ancestors
just like us
we’re all right here
putting on different costumes
and dancing with each other
dancing with ourselves

It is said
that every 27-29 years
Saturn
the planet
that shares a name
with the god of time
returns to the same exact place in the sky
that it was the moment you were born
and this return
is a gate of transformation
between the major eras
or phases
of one’s life

the first Saturn’s return
if so blessed
marks the true end of childhood
and the beginning of true adulthood
the second
if so blessed
marks the entrance into maturity
and the third
if so blessed
is the entrance to wise old age
and the turning towards the abyss

the time before
and the time following
the crossing of the threshold
are ripe with reflection
remembrance
revelation
and reverence
of our mortality
and therefore
gratitude
and communion with
and surrender to
our life force
with which we are blessed

The blood of my brother
and all my fallen brothers
has sanctified
and consecrated
the gate
and has anointed this journeyer
as i walk through
with an open heart
tear stained cheeks
straight back
open hands
clear eyes
and free spirit

with a yes
for me
for my bloodlines
for all my relations
for my ancestors
for all those that go before me
and for all those that are coming after…

yes
and thank you

aho

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