A tribe in mourning

The man
that was my best friend
and confidant
and witness
and wingman
and fellow boy-trying-to-figure-out-the-world
for 9 years of my life
transformed
through death
last week
quickly
and shockingly
and everything has changed
forever
We had gone in different directions
and hadn’t seen each other in years
allowing all of our memories together
to be encapsulated
in our youth
a time when we were so young
and wild
and free
and as my 28th birthday approaches next week
it sure feels clear to me
clearer than ever
that my childhood is over
Last time i felt grief like this
i was sure it would kill me
and it ended up transforming me
this time
the grief is the same
yet i know
i will carry on
and i am transforming
because of him
his life
and his death
the waves of grief come
and i let them
the tears fall
and cleanse the wounds
with their ocean-in-each-drop
and water the gardens of tomorrow’s dreams
in which
the legacy of my fallen
and risen
brother
grows

i am working on writing a piece
about him
about death
about grief
about life
about love
about forgiveness
about judgement
about atonement
about gratitude

it is taking time
as does our mourning

i write
to remember
and to heal
and i will offer the medicine given to me
in the form of words
to each of you
my dearest
most worthy
brothers and sisters

please know
there is a wound in our people
that allows us to believe a delusion
that we are separate
and disconnected
and unworthy
and that we are not enough
and don’t have enough

it is a lie
we are perfect
and loved
and held
and if we can’t feel it
it is only a problem in perception

go in love
and with gratitude for your precious
precious
life
tribe

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