So often I sit here and write and erase and write and erase and write and erase, only to shut the computer and walk away without having offered any words into the virtual world. Not that this is a bad thing, or even a waste of time, as it is important for me in my processing. But so often, I feel such deep inspiration or love or sorrow or insight, and trying to transmit it into little pixelated letters and words and sentences seems absurd and impossible.
Tonight is one of those nights.
How do I write the profound gratitude I have to be walking a path that is truly more than I could have ever dreamed?
How do i write about the profound sorrow I feel to be away from my family in a time of grieving, or to look in the eyes of a brother and see weary desperation?
How do I write about the profound joy I experience sitting across from a friend and hearing her story of learning to forgive and love the father that abandoned her when she was only 5 years old?
How do I write about the healing I take part in while sitting in a circle in a living room with medicine people using the element of fire to facilitate letting go of the past and calling in sweet love and surrender?
How do I write about the fear that makes my knees shake and the love that makes my eyes weep when I get a glimpse of the enormity of my own soul and its work here in the earthly realm?
How do I write about the countless times I have been taken in, bathed, held, celebrated, shared with, fed, honored, and blessed with the opportunity to serve people that could easily be called strangers if we didn’t look just a little bit closer?
I do not know.
I know nothing.
Except that I am so grateful to be here in the midst of it all.
And that I must surely be oh so loved by God or the Universe or whatever we are calling the divine these days
because I am here