Long Island Autumn Ramblings

I can’t count the number of times that I have started writing a blog and then abandoned it into the folder of half-finished rambles never to be seen again, also known as the “Drafts” folder.

There are times that thought and words and ideas seem so important and crisp and clear and they are practically buzzing out of my fingers/mouth/eyes/feet.

There are times they all pale in comparison to what lies beyond them. I love such times. The nature of such time is that there is nothing to show for it, nothing to show for oneself. The nature of this time is timeless and the idea of needing something to show for oneself is unheard of.

Autumn is a magical time. Watching everything die around us. Watching the beauty of the final stage of life. Being awakened to how precious the spark of life is.

There are so many beautiful currents that are being braided into this magnificent and glorious life i get to live/path i get to walk that it seems impossible to write, because I begin in one current and cannot help but find myself following the woven currents into the place they are spill together: my heart.

A brother read my palms on a tiny moss-covered island in a gently babbling creek before a shrine to Mary last week as we shared the sacred Santa Maria and listened to the frogs. Many paths converging into one. Like roots coming into a tree trunk. Like streams coming to the mighty river.

Yes. I feel like a mighty river these days.

I feel strong and clear and alive and open and grateful and awed and humbled.

I am serving my family and allowing the service to heal my wounds.

I am watching the path of so many of my peers taking shape to look like what I once assumed my path would look like, not necessarily out of desire or resonance, but more so out of the fact that I didn’t realize there were other options.

I just met a boy in this cafe that sat across from me and said, “The only magic there is is the magic that comes from money.”

I told him he had been misguided on that.
Told him i had thought that too.
But that there is so much more magic than that. And its everywhere.

“Well i hope so cuz otherwise I don’t know what my life is going to be.”

Adjust your prescriptions my friend. If you really want to see, you will be granted sight. If you really want to find it, it will find you. I promise. Take my word for it.

It’s been ten months
since i was warned
not to trust the hive

since i was shown
that passivity
and anesthetized living
is suicide
no different that a loaded barrel in my mouth

there are no locks on the hive doors
one can come in and out freely
but the buzz
and only the most deft
can navigate
and hold their frequency
instead of become one with the drones
one of the drones

the buzz says
artificial is real
and if not real
at least better

the buzz says
chase chase chase
do do do
run run run
try try try
grip grip grip
hoard hoard hoard
earn earn earn
climb climb climb
numb numb numb
more more more
need need need
more more more
need need need

a breath
is the treasure map
to the red x
at the center of the circle
THE circle

life is free
we are free
when we accept our freedom

is not happiness
freedom is joy and sorrow
freedom is truth
freedom is knowing we have all we need
never alone
but together

Buddha has been talking to me for some time about desire. What was that again? Something about desire is the cause of suffering?
I have watched the men before me
My ancestors
My elders
Those that brought me forth
Those that I stand in the brotherhood with
Those that hold me
And grant me breath
My fathers and grandfathers
I have seen them trust the hive
And chase desire
And achieve
And climb
And acquire
And I have heard their cries in the night
Cries from a heart that yearns for truth and freedom and love

I may not be free of desire
But I sure do surrender them.
Because I already have everything I need
And I already know I always have
And always will.
And I know peace for it.
So for anything and everything from here
Whatever unfolds
Through my open hands
And kneeling heart
A deep bow of gratitude
And a firm Yes


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